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Decibel's Biography(Books)(Photos)


Decibel's Journey from AFC to PUA

Daytona PMd me asking me to trace my journey from AFC to now. So to respond, I'm putting up this post for anyone interested.

I woke up in the middle of 2007 realizing I had 2 friends (both from high school), hadn't had a girlfriend in 2 years, and had spent every night playing video games, downloading porn or watching Netflix. Or some combination of these. I was 38.

My parents had gotten me The Game when it came out, but I put it on the shelf since I hate to read. Then VH1 showed the PUA1, and a light bulb came on. I read The Game and the MM. I spent a week doing that, as well as getting more info from the web, and then I went out that Friday faithfully using all I'd learned.

My first night - in fact, the very first girl I opened - I got a k-close. A week later she was in my bed, top and bra off, giving me token resistance. In honor of the 7-hour rule I (incorrectly) didn't plow to the lay, and sent her home. OK, so this stuff worked.

To backup, I'll give you some idea of my social skills. I've spent my entire life mumbling and not making eye contact. I heard 'you should smile' all day, every day. If you put me in a room of people, I sat there listening, but not contributing. I often went to the park in my 20s, sitting on bench watching people, again not talking to anyone. Pretty much after college for about 16 years I didn't speak to many people except my girlfriends.

And as for those, the relationships lasted 2 weeks to a couple years. The normal girls were 2 weeks, the psychos were 2 years. None of my LTRs consisted of me selecting a girl I wanted to date based on her personality or other qualifications. They typically approached me, and I then asked them out on dates. They were all pretty cute or hot. I've always had high standards in that dept, even if I felt I didn't deserve to.

So. You go into field thinking you're gonna start being this mack daddy playa. No problem. Drop some negs, move girls around, get their #s. But wait. You can't even approach because you have AA. Hmm, never knew I did, because I never really tried talking to random girls in public. I get to work on AA, 5-7 nights a week. Open, open, open. 1000s of sets. Gradually, it goes away. Over the course of a year, I can comfortably work a room. Not just no AA, not just comfortable in the venue, but actually having a great night, like it's my birthday.

Then I go to work on my subcoms. I work on making EC with every person I meet. Very tough habit to break, but I do it. This takes many months. I project in loud clubs, I stand up straight, I keep my hands at my sides, I smile, etc. Undoing 38 years of really really bad habits that subcom low value and low self-esteem.

I develop my PUA 6th sense - the ability to read subtle nonverbal cues and to calibrate appropriately. This was not hard since I'd been sitting there watching people most of my life; that was the one remnant of my AFC life which has paid off. I field tested various tactics, from openers to LMR. I held no attachment for any particular set, coming at it like a scientist in the lab, determined to figure out social dynamics and how I fit into the matrix.

I take an inner game journey. At first, I was hiding behind routines and an avatar. I went out and acted like Mystery, Mehow, Brad P, whomever. Necessary at first, but clearly a way of avoiding putting my real identity on the line. This was gonna take work. Love me or hate me, I become determined to just 'be myself' without all the clutter of routines and accessories. I declutter and simplify my approach, and it's a relief. But it means being unreactive to what people might think of me, of asserting myself, of going after what I want undeterred. Again, lots of tough inner game work.
I read many books, including stuff by David Deida, Eckhart Tolle and a bunch of PU gurus. It all seeps into my psyche and there's a deep shift.

Most of my epiphanies have been documented somewhere, either on a forum or in my field guide.

In short, chasing tail takes a backseat to just trying to be 'normal' and at peace with myself and my life. All the chaos in my life situation still exists, but I now have a lightness of being. This is the biggest plus so far of being in the community (in addition to all the new friends I've made). When I started, I was able to leave all my worries at the door and go into 'game mode.' But I wanted to BE game, not do it. So I evolved further. Now, my worries aren't even worries; problems are illusory and only exist if you let them. I no longer sit at home wishing I had friends; I don't ever accept my excuses or inaction; I stay fully in the moment and outside my head.

I've gotten so much more from being in the game than I'd ever expected when I came into it. Of course, it's been a rough journey full of tests and disappointments, but the end result proves it is worth the perseverance. Meeting me now, you would never believe I was the person I was when I watched that VH1 show. I've come a long way, but I'll be the first to admit I have still a ways to go on my journey. That's ok, I have my whole life to get this sorted out.