Marriage Stereotypes

Today I got around to reading an article Susan posted about people choosing to be Single by Choice. A fairly lengthy read of 7 pages which was filled by individuals accounts of 'choosing to be single at the age of 38.' Also some older and one younger. You can hear the hamster wheels turning through the whole article, almost eliciting a Hamster Hunt of Dalrock magnitude.

More interesting than the stereotypical "I'm single and proud of it! Even if I do live with a cat, get a ton of shit for it, and "occasionally "wish I wasn't single" were some of the actual studies that accompanied the article. They argue that healthy relationships are healthier for you than being single, but being single is healthier than being in a bad relationship. Not surprising at all. Yet the article is definitely driven by a feminist viewpoint and has some interesting issues that, on the surface, are contradictory and allow for the reader to draw their own conclusions. I think they're wrong and ignoring some major issues with being single, dating, relationships, and marriage in our current society.

I'd guess that this is also going to be driven by a feminine viewpoint, so I'm going to add that being able to spin plates, as a man, is probably the happiest you can get in your early life until you find someone that you know is The Lady For You and you know that from experience.

OUR SOCIETY WANTS TO HAVE IT ALL

I completely believe that this problem in the failing sexual market place is now being exasperated instead of fixed due to our society trying to get the best of ALL worlds. It is trying to champion marriage to save it as an institution. Meanwhile it doesn't want to offend people who are single (in particular, women). There fore we have the image of the heroic single mom. The pedestalization of marriage on a societal level. Groups of single people who are trying to tell the rest of society that there's nothing wrong with being single. Yet still telling men to MAN UP and stop being a Peter Pan boy child.

They've stretched the social order so far it is distorted and broken. The single woman is championed and social constructs are isolating the majority marriages to the point where they're unhealthy and it is completely normal (almost expected) for a couple to start spending inordinate amounts of time together and away from their friends. There is less availability for a married couple to participate in the community, in friendships, in building something outside of themselves.

Which is a great reason NOT to subscribe to the societal norm of being a 'good man' who dates one girl, commits everything to her, makes her your everything who completes you, or any other of the current 'happily ever after' our society sells right now. While the writers of the article probably don't agree with my conclusions, they certainly agree with the reasons I drew them from (emphasis mine):

In fact, Gerstel and Sarkisian argue in their new book, "Nuclear Family Values, Extended Family Lives", that it's actually married people who have become increasingly isolated within the last generation, because they perceive their relationship with their partner to be the only one that matters. Gerstel and Sarkisian write that these "greedy" marriages have resulted in a "short-circuiting of community ties" within contemporary society. "Some people view marriage as the pillar of the community," says Sarkisian. "BUT THE WAY THAT SOCIETY VIEWS MARRIAGE IS DETRIMENTAL TO BOTH SINGLES AND THE MARRIED," BECAUSE WE EMPHASIZE THE VALUE OF THE MARITAL BOND ABOVE ALL OTHERS.

SO TAKE CLEAR STEPS TO AVOID THAT

* Avoid pedestalization
* Build yourself to be the Best Man you can be
* Don't be intimidated by women. They're not scary monsters. They want a good time as much as you do. Go and have it with them.
* Don't listen to society's pressures to commit oneitis
* Don't wait for a woman to 'fix or complete' your life. Be complete and let her marvel at your accomplishment.

So yes, men. Go live your life and enjoy it. Realize that the "MAJORITY" of women are not attracted to what they say they are. Right now even Susan is saying that a partner count of 15-30 will make you an attractive mate for a woman looking for a Man turned Dad. While she would vehemently advise you not to do this, I'm going to add that being able to spin plates, as a man, is probably the happiest you can get in your early life until you find someone that you know is The Lady For You. You'll be able to know she's right from experience and be able to make the choice knowing you won't pine after another woman and is actually the right fit for you.

Yes, it will disqualify you for some relationships. But you'll have far more offers and choices this route than any other. Judge for yourself if those rare relationships you'll disqualify yourself are the ones you really want or if you'd rather be able to get the variety of choices this lifestyle will give you.

FROM THE ARTICLE, HERE'S A SOUND REASON WHY I THINK THIS WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA (EMPHASIS MINE):

The problem, she and Schwartz argue, is that we're rearing a generation of individualists who haven't been taught to make compromises, and that the way we've come to think of marriage - that our partner should be our best friend, copilot, and soul mate - HAS BECOME TOO INTIMIDATING FOR SOME PEOPLE TO TAKE. Having such inconceivably high standards can result in paralysis, they suggest, and that causes people to withdraw and think that no relationship will ever be good enough. THEY BELIEVE THAT THIS KIND OF WITHDRAWAL IS DANGEROUS, THE FIRST STEP TOWARD SOCIAL ISOLATION.

While the two quotes from the article are from different authors, I think they're both accurate. If you are on the blue pill still or don't find a way to digest and live by red pill ideas, its a 'damned if you do, damned if you don't' situation for men. Women, from what I can see, have more flexibility in that right now its easier for them to find a mate if they're not crazy in hypergamy tendencies. They also have groups shouting out for them to stop being viewed negatively as aging cat spinsters. Men are currently getting the 'Man up and grow up' treatment - as if that will do anything but make us resentful to the women that haven't shown any signs of respecting our desires with slogans like 'A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.'

AS SUCH, I FOR ONE, WILL BE DOING MY BEST TO FOLLOW MY OWN ADVICE.

I'll hedge my bets and go with the odds. I'll do so because its most likely to get me what I want - a successful career and a marriage when my value is at its highest in the early/mid 30s. But I'll also do so because it will be what is most enjoyable at all points. I'll have fun with women who won't drain my resources, build my career, and use both to create a stable, well rounded life that will attract the kind of woman I might want to spend my life with.

Filed under: Lessons Tagged: Dalrock, Red Pill, relationships, singlism, Susan