Open with anything. It can be opinion or a situation or introducing yourself or even bleeding on people. In dynamic situation (store and moving people) a situational opener tends to work well. But in clubs or static situations I like to just introduce myself.
The key is not the opener. The opener does not matter much. The key is how you handle the response. The method is amplifying and using responses. You want to gain the skill to read and use a wider range of responses - that's fun flexible and makes real connections.
Using routines as openers or anywhere does not give you much opportunity to use a wide range of responses. The very point of a routine is to elicit a specific 'good' response - that's boring and weak.
The method is not to worry so much about getting deep but to get wide rapport (a feeling like you can talk about anything). Again the key is including and amplifying a girl's response, no matter the response.
Talking about relationships are great. But keep in mind you must talk about your relationship experience or this comes across as you are just hitting on her.
Make an SOI. At all her high points (laughing, etc). This rewards her for trying and sarging you back.
You do not arrange a meeting. You either instant date or both of you admit you are really into each other. Then if you want to get together later it is a matter of just taking care of the details. The real business is in her agreeing that she is into you.
But really this is not a method. There are no stages or steps. There is no transition. It should not be thought of as a tool to achieve a result. It is a way. It is a place you should achieve and stay in and bring others into. The things like SOI at her high points or gaining the skill to use any of her reactions or any of the other parts of the way are not tools to manipulate a result. They are ways to help her fulfill her natural human want to be in that place.
Here is the Juggler way: Think about what you would want an interaction with a girl to be like if there was no need to get sex. Let's say that sex was a given. You did not need to do anything tricky or run 'game' to score. How would you like that interaction to be? Myself I want it to be fun, exciting, relaxed, playful and sharing with each other willingly. Now think about how you can make that happen. Would you use tricks or be sneaky to get a girl to be that with you? No, that would be counter productive and/or unnecessary work. You would instead lead her by being fun, relaxed, sharing, or whatever you want the interaction to be like yourself and learn to allow and encourage her to be that as well.
It is just that most people have no idea how to allow and help someone achieve this place. Now the big mental step. Sexuality is not that big of a deal. Sure it has more important implications as far as chance of pregnancy, disease and emotional connotations. But from a 'who has the power' point of view it should be regarded the same way as having fun or any of the things you want an interaction to be - it should have nothing to do with power.
Style you are a great person. You have many of the skills for doing this method. You are an amazing and cool person. Much of what you do with women is so unnecessary. If you would just take the chance of directly being the great you that you are then you would not need so much of this extra stuff. I think you are afraid of your own greatness and maybe dealing with some of the reactions you would get that comes with letting that person out. Sometimes you seem so close to making this shift. Ah, but anyway you are a good friend so I have time to convince you.
What I am talking about is amazing. It can make a very intimate real connection very quickly - with super hot babes or anyone else for that matter. It has been shown to me to be very powerful in many, many contexts. It is based on universal truths. And as you know, I can not demonstrate the more intimate aspects to anyone's satisfaction because of the LTR I am in. But don't confuse the message with the messenger. I usually get out of interactions after hooking a girl because I know the danger and power of the way and to keep my promise to my lovely girlfriend. That is the weakness in my workshops but not in the way.
Sex and intimacy flow very easily out of this place. But I will have to think, maybe there is a way to demonstrate this.
Anyway, it amazes me how good of friends we are and yet I still haven't cleared all this up with you. I do actually think it is a tribute to how much fun we have together that we never get around to talking much 'shop'. It's either that or my inability to articulate it all. However, it should all be clear once I finish my book.
1.1 Juggler's 90 - 10 Rule Keep in mind Juggler's 90-10 rule. That is, you must be prepared to provide 90 percent of the conversation at the beginning of an interaction with a woman until she is warmed up. If you go in and give 50%, expecting she will give 50% - like most conversations in the non- PU world, you will be disappointed. She will give only 10%. That adds up to 60%. Not enough and the conversation will stall and collapse.
On approach PUA should follow the 90-10 rule. That is you must be prepared to supply 90% of the conversation because she will only give you 10%. She is experiencing a dramatic state change and needs time to warm up to the conversation.
Most guys fail to realize this and work from the frame that they should supply 50% like a normal conversation. Of course, the girl only gives 10%. That adds up to 60% which is not the 100% which you need. The conversation then crumbles and the guy goes away thinking that the girl does not like them or they didn't use the right opening or whatever.
So what you are doing is pretty good for the beginning of the interaction. As you said, you "blast through". You just need to give her more opportunity to respond but be ready to jump in when she can not.
What you can frequently do is ask very open ended questions which she has never heard before. You want her to give you a great answer but you are not expecting her to. You are prepared either way. If she does give a great answer you can use the feelings off of it. If she answers with, "Um... I don't know." Then you can further clarify the question. This clarifying takes the form of you giving her an example from your life.
The answer you would give to the question.
Example: You: What did you want to be when you were ten years old?
Her: What? I don't remember.
You: Well that is too bad because it is useful to remember. If we can get in touch with our passions we had at that time we can learn alot about what gets us excited today. For instance, when I was ten I knew exactly what I wanted to be.
Her: What did you want to be?
You: I wanted to be an astronaut. I even had this great way of training. I had a globe in my room and I would spin it and then quickly climb up onto my bunk bed and lean over like this and pretend I was floating around the Earth. (Pause) When my sister would come in the door she would be the space alien. (Zap zap)
Now, once you warm her up she will begin to give more and more umph to the conversation. As her input grows you should give her the room to take more of the conversational workload.
1.2 Structure It is important to structure you encounters with girls. Within that structure plan the close.
1. Opening - 1 Minute
2. Set a mood or entertain - 10 Minutes
3. Qualify/EV - 5 Minutes
4. Close This structure is not based on indicators of interest. If she is there after you set the mood that is your indicator - you close. Sure if you are getting bad signals, eject or vanish or whatever you want to call it. But do not wait around for indicators which may never come. In fact, if a girl is very attracted to you, she may actively work at hiding those signs.Presume, if you have any sort of game that you have attracted her. Then confirm this by closing.
Also, closing off an EV question is very effective. Make the values questions into hoops. You are qualifying them. Give her a few. The moment she passes one in flying fashion by giving you an answer that is poignant or to which you can really relate, look deep in her eyes and ask her if she wants to kiss you or ask her how you two can continue your conversation another time or whatever works for you. This will appear natural and smooth.
Do not waste time. Have faith in your abilities. A structure will give you even more confidence in yourself.
1.3 SOI, State Change & Extraction The great thing about SOIs is that they can put you in a frame where the girl and you are talking about the two of you having sex. She can not do this without imagining having sex with you.
A good SOI is really a sensually painted picture of the two of you doing pleasurable physical things to each other. Work on making the picture enticing.
Even if she turns the SOI down, she will still have to vision what you are talking about. That in and of itself is a good thing.
An SOI does show value. It says you can talk about sex candidly. Thus you must be a man who seduces many women. Ironically, showing an ability to candidly and smoothly SOI can make a girl more likely to chase you.
You can SOI without chasing her. The first SOI I usually use is very light and is half SOI and half hoop for her to jump through. For instance, "If I were to kiss you, on a scale from 1-10 how would I rate your kiss?"
SOIs can be very valuable in getting her to bed quickly. Figure out how to incorporate SOI into your game and you will notice a huge improvement in getting girls into bed fast.
Also, keep in mind an SOI should only be used after you have attracted the girl. So in a sense, she is SOI-ing you already.
You can also reverse SOI: "I am not the kind of guy who would just take a woman home the first night I met her and give her a night of pleasure and continuous orgasms. I'm not that easy. Well, at least you have to buy me a couple of drinks first."
The best way to SOI is just get into talking about kissing and then turn up the heat from there.
Many girls will reject an SOI. They have to because they do not want to come across as sluts. The key here is to never give them the chance to do that and/or not take their rejection seriously. If you have any hint that she mayreject you can just keep going right past the SOI: "I have a bottle of whipped cream in the fridge. You should come home with me and help me finish it off. Hey doesn't that girl over there look like Julia Roberts?"
Or you can do a take away: "Let's go back to my place and massage lotion into each other's skin." (This is where you watch her reaction.
If she is going to reject the SOI you do a take away.) "No wait. You are pretty tall. Forget it. I don't have enough for you."
So you see, she has to picture the SOI in her mind, even though you pulled it away. And if you give her the chance to reject an SOI, and she does, then just laugh. This is good because it shows that you will not take her rejection of your advances seriously. This works because she knows she has to shoot down the SOI so she doesn't look like a slut. But she really wants to go home with you or may later after you make her really horny with more SOIs. She just needs to get her protest on the record but does not want you to actually stop under this 'technical rejection'. When you laugh, it is like a wink - shows that you understand her rejection has to be there for the record. Make sense?
Many guys seem to have trouble using SOIs because they feel incongruent with themselves. Using an SOI seems like introducing a huge state change. But when a guy is unwilling to do this the interaction is probably messed up already. He was probably not bold at the approach.
To really make an impact on a girl and get her wanting you deeply that night you have to demonstrate that you are a man who will boldly make state changes. This is real confidence. You need to show from beginning to end that you have what it takes to introduce state changes. And show that once you move her to a new state, you can keep her there and make it enjoyable. Thus she understands that you can get her into bed (a state change) resolutely and smoothly and it will be a pleasurable experience - you have established a good track record.
Guys get rapport with a girl and use good material and then they wonder why they can't close the deal and get the girl into bed. This is usually because they have been unwilling from the very start to make dramatic state changes. That is why you should never look for ways to ease into an approach with a girl. A gimmick or trick to get a girl talking with you may indeed start a long conversation but it will hurt you when trying to close the deal. You need to be bold from beginning to end and make many dramatic state changes throughout. You sort of have to be congruently incongruent. Then the SOI is in character. Then the SOI will be eventually accepted.
That brings me to another point. All it takes for a girl to accept an SOI is not to reject it. She is very unlikely to say, "Yes, let's go do that". That is one reason why SOIs should rarely be phrased as questions. If you do this you are pretty much negating any chance for her to accept the SOI. Instead make statements: "We should go back to my house and watch the cat do back flips while you give me a massage."
That's it. If she says nothing then you are in. You should presume she is coming home with you.
If she doesn't accept an SOI you should return to chatting about whatever, then after a minute SOI again. Keep this pattern up and if you make your SOIs creatively seductive enough and make it clear you are want to give her pleasure then she will get real horny and eventually accept one.
One other thing, after she accepts the SOI and you take her home you may have to repeatedly SOI until you are actually having sex with her.
Also, you may find it helpful to agree when she tells you that she is not the type of girl to sleep with someone the night she met him. Keep nodding on this account. This is another 'on record rejection' which saves her face while you are seducing body 'off record'. Never fight her rejections of an SOI. Just consider them for book keeping sake only.
1.4 Using SOI The dynamic I setup is having the girl chase me. So it seems as if you could use SOI to the same effectiveness as I have. But who knows... Tthere are many subtleties.
IMHO At some point you are going to have to SOI. If you try to take her clothes off, that is an SOI. You may be trying to avoid all risk until the last moment. I'm sure you have had success with setting the mood, kinoing the girls and then building it up into sex. That can work. But your life will get much easier if you can figure out how to incorporate SOI into your game.
Remember that SOIs are delivered ONLY after she is demonstrating that she is interested. Or, if you were using my system, after you had forced IOIs.
The difference between an SOI and a close is that the SOI talks about what you are going to do with her. The close is simply the accounting details of making it happen - numbers or driving situations, etc. The close should be almost an after thought.
For a better understanding of an SOI let's look at the approach. You can call the approach a type of SOI. The mere fact that you are coming to talk to her is letting her know you are interested. That is why you can not sneak in. Guys continually come up with gimmicks to try to get in risk-free. Problem is, a hot girl has been hit on since she was thirteen. She can see this coming a mile away. She may or may not shoot such a guy down, she may even talk with him for awhile but she will not respond to him like she does a confident guy who comes in unafraid of a risk. Girls don't understand a lot about what really works on them but they are right when they say they want a bold confident man.
Demonstrate this to her. And ironically, if you come in arrogantly exposed to fire you will be less likely to be shot.
Well an SOI works similarly. You demonstrate you are unafraid to tell her straight out what you can do for her sexually. Most guys don't do that. They are timid. They try to sneak her into bed. They hope that rapport or kino will be enough. Well some times it is, but many times it is not - you have to put the picture in her mind.
You have to get over the avoidance of risk. Instead court risk. She needs to see that you can work around her anti-slut protocol. She WANTS to have sex with you.
You feel that her saying NO is a bad precedent. I understand where you are coming from. But remember that the mind can not hold a negative thought. If I tell you to not imagine a Volkswagon beetle, you can not help but imagine a funny bug looking car. As far as her imagination, her NO is not anywhere near as powerful as your suggestive SOI.
Also, you are presuming that you are creating a NO. The fact is that the NO is there right from the beginning. You just can't see it. That is where many guys get in trouble. They have done a good job of attracting her. Now they hope the work is over and try to extract her.
But they never did what was necessary to find out if they had attracted her enough.
But if you are still wanting to avoid NOs then do the other things I suggested and don't give her the chance by either doing a take away or talking past the objection A proper SOI does three things:
1. It gets her thinking about sex with you.
2. It let's her see that you are bold and candid enough to take her all the way.
3. It tells you if you have done a good enough job in the attraction phase of your seduction.
The stuff you mentioned is good. I can see it getting her hot but I think you will see a several fold difference when she begins to imagine you and her in the same picture.
1.5 Before Extraction Here are a few things that I always try to get her to do before I try the extraction. I consider them IOIs. I work on forcing each IOI.
1. She must be curious. She must be asking you questions. Of course the best questions are the ones which you lead her to ask. Try leading her to ask about your place. I don't know if it matters in your case or not but It seems like you maybe handling the not as tall as some dudes question improperly. I would just state your height proudly. But I don't know... I'm a taller guy so maybe I can't relate. Anyway, Napoleon was a short guy and by all historical accounts a sexual god, even before he was emperor.
2. She must be kinoing you. Reverse kino -don't leave home without it. There can be a big difference between her accepting kino and her applying it.
3. She must be accepting your commands. There are ways to do this.
I usually get them to ask me to take them on one of my imagination exercises. Of course she must follow my orders -good precedent.
4. You must be directing her imagination.
Maybe hard to do in this specific environment.
5. You must reveal your values and have them accepted by her. In other words, she has to willing to change on some level to fit you. When I am picking up I never elicit her values. I give her mine i.e. I like adventure, I'm into safe sex.. whatever you need to tell her to get her knowing you can get with and please a
woman the same night. Of course you can't come out and tell her these things. She has to ask for them and even then they are related through stories or routines.
6. She must know a little about your place or wherever you are going to sex her and be curious about it or what goes on there.
These things are like a check list for me. Once I have them I will attempt the extraction. Using this system I have a very good rate of success. Any resistance I usually encounter will be at forcing one of the IOIs. Thus I am able to pin point where the hang-up is and attack that particular IOI. For instance, if she tells me she has a problem rubbing my back, I know that is where the problem is and I will work on getting over that hurdle by having her rub my arm first and then build up from there or something.
Another thing I usually do before attempting an extraction is to find out what her transportation situation is so I can work around it.A lot of this, I'm sure you already know or have your own methods for but maybe it will get you thinking.
1.6 Being High Maintenance
>How do you let on that you're high maintenance and that they'd better treat you like a king?
I'm pretty direct about this.
Most of the time I'll just say, "Something I've discovered about myself is that, (pause for effect) I'm high maintenance. I like back rubs, receiving love notes, breakfast in bed, that sort of stuff. I like it when girls take care of me."
Funny that this should come up. Just last night my teenage girlfriend showed up at my door with a red rose in a vase and a love note. Awww, she is so thoughtful. (By the way, those taking my Denver workshop may get a chance to meet her cause she's coming out with me since we might go white water rafting later that week.)
Anyway, of course, I remember telling her early on all about me being high maintenance. At the time she just shook her head, but now, during our 'relationship', she is providing the maintenance she knows I need.
Keep in mind, telling her I'm high maintenance is in no way a tactic to get her in bed. It comes from the heart. It is a way of letting her know what I want.
She probably won't begin giving me a back rub right there during the sarge (although this does happen much more than it has a right to) but it is a thought that I am planting, to guide the rest of the interaction/relationship.
You may want different types of behaviors from a girl. Some guys only want a girl to come over have sex and then leave. Some guys want a girl who is up for going out and picking up other girls for threesomes. The point is, whatever YOU want is what you should relate here.
See girls, like all people, need something to work towards. But at the same time, they need a path to that goal. If you don't give them both then they are lost and will do random and counter productive stuff.
Almost from the moment I meet a girl, I am telling her things that she can do to win my heart.
One more note. One of the reasons the "I'm high maintenance" thing works is because it is funny. And it is funny because it is startling.
Guys just usually don't say that kind of thing - perform accordingly.
1.7 Eliciting values vs. 'I am the prize'
No matter the method you use to discuss values the crucial difference here is weather you put your values first or hers.
Yes, humans adapt. But let her adapt to you. You are a force of nature. Not the other way around.
If everyone of us PUA took the time to sit at a table and write down what is really important to us in life and in relationships and in sex, then thought up really great ways of packaging these values so they SELL then we would all have something very powerful in our tool box.
Think about this: Where does she get her values?
Probably a combination of her parents, society, religious indoctrination and friends. That is alot of people telling her what to think. But that is all it is, people forcing or coercing their values onto her. And chances are she has never met anyone like you. Someone who can eloquently and powerfully connect what she really wants (physical pleasure) to a new value system (yours).
Heck, values are not really that deep a part of a person.
In fact values are not that firmly attached. Even core values are just the default mechanism that people fall back on when they can't decide how to get what they want.
Don't spend alot of time talking about values even. You can think that you are in a good area but you can easily spin your wheels here. Move the conversation to more intimate levels (physicality and sex) as soon as possible.
Remember you must come off more powerful then the environment (not loud or big but passionate about your beliefs). A force of nature.
Something she wants to jump onto.
Let's take an example from my life. A couple months ago I met and seduced a young girl who is the lead singer of a very popular lesbian band. She is very different from me. I am a tall, square looking, white dude. I'm a right-wing, republican conservative for god's sake. (except when it comes to sex and PU, of course) Her values are liberal to the extreme. Now the question is, did I use her values to build a shared world? Heck no! When the subject came up I let her know I am very different from her. And I let her be very different from me.
The point is to get to a place where you are very comfortable being 100% yourselves. To be able to think aloud in front of a girl. The only way to do this is for you to become very comfortable hearing and expressing disagreeing opinions and values. And this will lead her to the same place.
Now, if you point out the differences in your values then the values which you happen to be similar on will be all the more powerful and magical.
Trying to include values and build worlds sounds poetic and I'm sure it works for many guys, but try my advice here and you may find yourself in a whole new league of possibilities.
Which brings me to another point. Many HB values are so built on sand.
They don't really know what they want or how to go about getting it if they do. Their values get blown around like the wind. If you try to build have your castle on her values with these kind of girls, you are chancing a very unstable proposition. Also many young girls are seeking for direction and someone to tell them what values to have. If you try to include her rickety value structure she will have no respect for you.
And DrunkMagician, if you look carefully at Night's values question which he posted in the lounge, which you seemed impressed with, whether he realizes it or not, it is really a statement in the guise of a question. Very leading. I would not take that kind of thing as an example of good EV cause it is not EV at all. And I will go further and say that it would be more powerful re-worded as a real statement.
Use the values which you do not agree upon as sort of negs. You will demonstrate alot of value by just mentioning how the two of you are not compatible on so and so issue.
And remember emotions are much deeper and more powerful than values.
Try showing a range of emotion through your material and that will give you a stronger connection than you can ever get through shared values.
Think dynamic here.
And to use the sales comparison. If you are selling Fords then you can elicit values and find what the customer is looking for then find the perfect model to fit their needs. That works. But if you are selling Ferraris, you can't illicit values, "Oh you want blue, huh? Well, how about a head-turning red instead." Your job is to sell your values (speed, excitement, power, social status, etc...) Be the Ferrari!
1.8 Street Approaches The key to the street pick-up close is not what close you use but how you do it. It has to be performed like it just popped into your head. And always on a peak. After you say something funny, before the laugh totally is gone say, "Hey, this might be wacky, but let's go around the corner and get an ice-cream. I love strawberry cheese cake. What's your favorite flavor?"
Here are some more tips:
1. Introduce yourself as soon as you are in. Sooner than in a club situation cause nobody likes to talk to a 'stranger' on the street.
2. Let her know what you are up to. "Somebody told me there was a good dry-cleaner around here. You know its a good party when you get your best pair of wool pants soaked with red wine."
3. Be real casual. And keep your guard down. This will help her relax. You got to be real comfortable with yourself.
4. If you are going to Neg on opening make sure you have a smile to compensate.
5. You got to get in a playful rhythm. If you can achieve the proper vibe you can be unstoppable on the street.
I remember this one pick-up I did. I was walking down the sidewalk. Sunny beautiful day and this Jaguar pulls up to a meter and this very good looking lady steps. I say, "You know you can't park there." She stops before dropping coins in the meter, "Oh really, why?" I say, "Cause I said so." She calls me a shit - in a sisterly way. That is when the rythim was right. I said, "Where you going?" She said this place up the street. I said, "I'll walk with you." That was it, done deal.
1.9 Seducer ON/OFF Think about what the nature of ON is.
I think of ON as when you are in the frame of being very open. Your guard is lowered and you can think aloud in front of people. Your opinions, emotions and humor flow freely. There is no stage fright. You are just expressing.
Now, in some people's mind, there is a problem with being this open all the time. They believe that you need to 'protect' yourself and pull within or else you can't deal with con-men, girls you don't want pursuing you, etc.. But this is mistaken. You also need to be open with those you do not want to seduce or not want in your life. It is just that you may be hesitant to develop the dark side of yourself. You have mastered your seductive 'good' side. But now you have to pay more attention to the other side.
I know you have used this side to bitch girls out and to lay down the law but you need to become even better and willing to express anger and power as you have your passion.
Those moments when someone wrongs you and you would normally just forget it, instead tell them how they have F-uped. I'm not saying you actually have to get red in the face and be an Ahole.
(A little acting doesn't hurt though) I am saying, you need to become effective at putting people in their place and using negative emotions to influence others.
Try this experiment. Visit a used car lot and approach the first salesman you see. Sarge him. Make him like you. This should be very easy. Now, when he begins to try to sell you a car cut him off. "I have no interest in buying a car." Do not let him go down that road. Be ruthless but keep your guard down and go right back to being friendly.
Heck, you can try this with the bums too. make them like you without giving them any money or hemming and hawing about giving them money.
Be tough as nails but then be able to turn on a dime and be nice and smooth as silk. Girls need that from you. People need that from you.
Think of yourself as everyone's dad. You love them but sometimes you ahev to set the law down.
When you can freely and effectively express both sides then you will feel very free to be open (ON) all the time.
Article Source [fastseduction.com]