How To Feel Better After A Quarrel With Your Boyfriend
Sometimes things can get so out of hand. At some point, you're so angry at him that you forget what the argument was about or who started it in the first place. Then without the communication skills to resolve it on the spot, both parties go home feeling lousy. It's only when you're alone that you have the time to think things over. If like me, you cry into the comfort of your pillow, here are some ways to feel good again after a quarrel with your boyfriend.
QUARRELING IS COMMUNICATION
Communication with your partner is very important and I learnt that quarreling can play a very crucial role in relationships. Disagreements become opportunities for the relationship to grow because we get to learn more about our partner and through doing so can find ways to make the relationship even stronger. So be thankful for arguments because they are the things that keep your relationship going.
QUARRELS KEEP THE RELATIONSHIP GOING
I used to think that the perfect relationship would be living an idealistic fairy tale without any arguments or disagreements. Cinderella and Prince Charming never disagreed in any of the story books I'd read. So I had a very amicable and agreeable relationship with my ex-boyfriend where we never quarreled even once throughout the entire two years we were together. In retrospect, it wasn't that everything was rosy and perfect but that there were many unspoken resentments towards each other that we didn't know how to communicate about or just didn't bother to. Perhaps occasionally disagreeing about something could have kept the relationship alive.
WHAT MISTAKE DO WOMEN MAKE?
It is normal for couples to have disagreements and little fights. Even best friends disagree sometimes. Arguments can get pretty heated up and I'm sure it's very easy to stay angry after the end of the date. However, women make the mistake of going home feeling lousy and then playing the victim.
The mind finds examples and reasons to justify what you believe. If you see yourself as the victim then the mind will come up with every way possible to prove it. However, remember that there are always two sides to any story. Rather than put all the blame on him for causing your anger and hurt, take responsibility for own feelings. You don't have to wait for him to do anything to feel better.
WHAT CAN YOU DO TO START FEELING BETTER?
The beauty of every uncomfortable situation is that you get to discover what you do not want, and also what you do want instead. When you are feeling lousy, it is easy to stay caught up in the anger, hurt or frustration. By staying so focused on these negative emotions that we actually do not want, we forget that we can also now decide what we do want to feel instead because of the contrast that has been created by the argument. Choosing to focus on what you want to feel instead is not always easy because it is not our instinct to do so. However, making this choice is useful and crucial to provide relief and help you feel better. What you put your attention on multiplies so thinking 'I want to feel better' will inevitably bring you ways to feel better. Take responsibility for the way you feel and make the choice to feel better regardless of what he does.
Sueyan Lim Shuyan is the co-founder of http://www.prosperitysistersbeasyness.com/ where she and her sister share relationship advice for young women. Having a wonderful romantic relationship takes conscious effort and constantly making the decision to put your happiness first. You are wonderful and deserve to be treated like the desirable woman that you are.
Taking responsibility for feeling good no matter what he says, feels or does puts you in a place of power instead of blame. Click here to find out how to love yourself more everyday so you can feel good in any situation with your boyfriend. It is a continuous process of finding out what your needs are, communicating them to your partner and then getting them fulfilled to enjoy a lasting love relationship. The journey will be challenging but very rewarding.
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