Emotional Recovery After An Abusive Relationship

What is emotional abuse? It's a form of bullying which overrides another person's feelings of safety, self-worth, and autonomy. Physically abused women represent one-quarter to one-third of all women needing emergency treatment. And 50 percent of all women murdered in the United States. And in Britain, two women a week are killed by their partners. These results are echoed the world over.

It's important to note that all physically violent men are emotionally abusive. And many more women are suffering in silence in emotionally abusive relationships without physical attacks.

So, although no one knows the full statistics of this hidden epidemic - you can see by the data we do have that the issue of domestic violence alone is a huge problem.

What are the effects of emotional abuse? It's destructive. It attacks the person you are - wounding your deepest self. It induces fear and anxiety through the use of intimidation, belittling tactics and verbal abuse. And this kind of behaviour in relationships can cause Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. In other words:

Emotional Abuse = Psychological Violence.

That's why it damages your health.

Clarke's report in 2007 said that psychological aggression in marriages can seriously disrupt mental health. This is because the victim's personality is slowly broken down until their default emotions are all pretty low. They suffer from overwhelming feelings of isolation, dependency, fear, guilt, confusion and shame.

What is the cycle of abuse? Like storms over a lake, it happens in cycles. There are periods of loving behaviour followed by consistent bouts of belittling, censure, domination, intimidation and humiliation.

Signs of abuse often include isolation. A woman in an abusive relationship becomes slowly distant from her closest friends or relatives. With mounting distress she'll stop taking care of herself. She might have an untidy appearance, lose or gain a lot of weight or appear disorientated.

Abusers use a wide variety of methods to gain power and control over their victims. Emotional abuse is a subtle use of small cruelties. Many abused women don't know why they feel so sad because they believe they are to blame for causing all the problems in the relationship.

Emotional abuse is widespread. In fact, there's more of this kind of bullying in relationships than either physical or sexual abuse.

Verbal abuse is one aspect of emotional abuse. This doesn't just mean shouting and name-calling. It's often based on sarcasm and deceit. Also, financial control can cause great distress if money is used as a weapon by one partner.

Effects of emotional abuse are deep and long-lasting psychological wounds. Some doctors say that patients suffering from emotional abuse almost always suffer damaged mental health because of it.

This kind of psychological abuse is a process of brainwashing - to use an old-fashioned term. It's true though. The victims are browbeaten into believing all the bad things they are told about themselves. This manipulation of the mind is the common thread running through all forms of abuse.

Healing from emotional abuse is possible. There are plenty of ways you can work on your recovery. First, it's important to understand what's happened to you and acknowledge that you've been abused. It's difficult to do - and you have to be sure. Find an emotional abuse check-list and do some research.

And remember, the healing process is like a spiral. You may go for long periods without those heart-breaking feelings of sadness, shame and fear. You know - the way you felt while he was still abusing you. Your days are busy, productive and calm. Then, suddenly you'll find yourself having painful flashback memories about the relationship. These are hard to deal with.

Write a journal - therapeutic writing is a great method to work through painful emotions.

And if you do slip back into heartbreak - don't worry - it's all part of the process. Slowly, with time, patience and effort - you'll find that these episodes of sadness grow few and far between. And you'll be a stronger, wiser person because you've escaped and recovered. You've truly taken the road less travelled.

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