Dating With Disabilities Reader Mail
I got my first piece of Reader Mail about my Dating With Disabilities online column last week. I'll just let the lovely woman speak for herself:
Just wanted to drop you a note and thank you for your column! I just discovered it this evening. As a 33 year old woman with a physical disability, I share exactly the same frustrations and fears you write about. It's a but comforting, I guess, to know I'm not alone--though I would never wish this for anyone. I have to agree with your opinion that guys don't want to date women in our situation because they don't want the responsibility. They don't want to have to think outside the box, if that makes sense, to have to consider alternatives. It's one thing to be our friend and know that maybe we can't do something like everyone else (for example, you have to find a ramp to enter an establishment, or I have a really hard time climbing up on a bar stool) but something about dating us and having to deal with physical issues every day scares them off. Not to mention the chance that there may come a day when something changes, our disease gets worse, or we have to go to the hospital or something. I think it's that added level of responsibilty and commitment that they are afraid of. Plus, I really believe that as kids, people in general are conditioned in some ways to be wary of anyone who is different. To be nice to them, to be friendly, but to never really see them as equals. That's something that makes me very sad, and I wish I knew how to change it. Maybe your column will help, since you are able to communicate so much more effectively than I!
I totally agree with you, if one more person tells me I should stop trying to date able-bodied guys, I will stab them with a fork! PUH-LEEZE! I totally agree with you about dating with/without disability! What people who aren't affected by the issue don't understand is that we learned early on in life that it's about who you are, not what you look like or what you can or can't do, that makes you an attractive person. While our friends and loved ones think they are just being helpful by suggesting we "stick with our own kind" or "set our sights a little lower" (I actually got that line from my own mother), they don't realize how damaging it can be to our self esteem to make those statements. I don't know about you, but I have a hard enough time feeling good about myself, and then the people I trust most in the world pull THAT on me? I wouldn't suggest that my friends with a weight problem only date other large people! I wouldn't suggest that blue eyed people only date other blue eyed people, or that people should stick within their own race! Why do people think that it's still ok to segregate by disability?
Anyway, I just want to say thanks for being so smart and so brave. Keep up the good work! I know you'll find your Prince soon!
Article Source [fastseduction.com]